Thursday, February 18, 2010

&& the numbers decrease...

well obviously i havent been updating this site very often, which probably doesnt matter because im not sure there are very many people following it any how.
Anyways, i have been having computer issues which i just got fixed so i hope to be posting more often from now on.

The last two weeks have been a little rough for me,
Last week I only managed to make it to the gym a measly 2 times! On top of that, i allowed myself a little more lee way than normal. SOMEHOW though, i managed to lose 2lbs.
This week hasnt been horrible, Monday i made it to the gym and did an hour of cardio including treadmill (running mostly) and elliptical. Paired with a minor ab workout.
Since then i have become sick with the crudd :( Been feeling pretty raunchy lately and sleeping straight through breakfast and sometimes lunch. Tuesday was spent in bed all day but yesterday i was forced to get up and go to work, after work i hit the gym.

Its strange how sometimes its such a pain for me to go to the gym, but when im not there i genuinely miss it! Particularly running. Which is odd, because running is such a chore for me. I mean hey, its hard for chubby girls to run!
For us, theres always that out of breath feeling you get, and on top of that it doesnt help when youve got your well endowed ladies boppin up and down every where!
But when i finish that fourth interval and slam the big red stop button and bend over for air, i feel accomplished. Like ive really worked for something that will hopefully pay off on saturday's weigh in.

Speaking of Weigh ins,
I have a confession to make...
Im afraid.

Afraid of the numbers on the scale that is.
Ever since i was little, ive always been larger. And stepping on a scale was always a torturous experience for me and continues to be today.
Because of my embarrassment, ive never openly shared my weight- to ANY one.
Its always been something personal, something that i didnt want other people to know. And in my opinion, im one of those people that can "hide weight well".
But through this experience, ive become brave.
Brave enough to tell you my numbers, and whether you read this or not, this will matter to me...

I am 17 years old, 5'6 and currently 194.2 lbs.
My starting weight was 206.5 lbs.

Did you see that 2? THATS what scares me.
I remember a couple of months ago i had to go to the doctor and of course, they just haveee to weigh you for some reason. I remember looking at the charts and seeing 200-something lbs.
This was my first time out of the 100 range. And it scared me. But my way of dealing with it, was to ignore it. To avoid scales at all costs.

The day that i finally got back into the 190's i was SO HAPPY. Which is kind of odd if taken out of context, because 190 is still overweight for my frame, but i was SO glad to see that number gone that i just threw a little party in my bathroom :)

My initial weight loss goal will be to get down to 170 lbs. (a 36 lb. loss) which is where i was about two years ago and was generally happy with my body (extra emphasis on generally). From there i hope to start weight training a lot more to get firm. I also hope to lose another 20 lbs. which will bring me to my idea of my "perfect weight" of 150 lbs.

My question is, how long do you think this will take? so far i have lost 12 lbs. since January 11th. If i stay dedicated i hope to reach, or nearly reach, my initial goal by april or march. Is this ideal?

Thanks for reading!

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